In this series of boudoir narratives, we are going to be diving into real, vulnerable, and strong stories of beautiful individuals that express how and what makes them unapologetically themselves.
This boudoir narrative series is meant to be a safe space for individuals to reveal their own story that shares their thoughts of beauty, advice to others, what makes them click, their boudoir session, and more. These boudoir narrative stories will help us to understand others, assist our community in feeling less alone on different subjects, and to dive further into the meaning and feeling of a boudoir session.
“People’s eyes are the windows to their soul; you can understand a lot about a person by looking into their eyes.” Our first individual for the “Unapologetically YOU Narratives” is one of deep internal beauty. She has endured challenges and overcame them with strength. Most females can relate to the challenges faced by infertility. Whatever that challenge may be, it comes with certain battles that are exclusive to females. This story dives into fertility struggles and the vulnerability that can be felt through those challenges. Her partner’s support shows through this story, and she reveals her soft soul through the love she has for animals and nature. Here is an incredible, individual, and very true story.
The sun is peaking over the mountains as I am sipping my morning brew and flowing through my sun salutations. It is of great importance in taking time for self-care and self-love. I am grateful for the dog sitting next to me, my husband sleeping inside, and the space I call my own. I feel the perfect sense of freedom and serenity at my secluded humble abode full of land to play, my garden, and a large area for my animals to roam free.
During my morning yoga session, my meditation took me to a place of reflection where I went into deep thought on what I believe is “true beauty.” This is what I reflected on.
True beauty is from within. I think of my mother when I think about the essence of beauty and I have continued to learn from a young age, mainly from her, that beauty is internal. I think my mom is the perfect example of calm, kind, and it shows in everything she does. Well, the world has external beauty too, but I strongly believe that the greatest beauty is kindness and passion from inside a person’s soul.
When I was young, a shifting moment for me in my perception of beauty and my aspects of beauty had to have been when my close family member told me that I had such beautiful eyes. I was super shy throughout my youth, so I wouldn’t even look at people when I was meeting them. But she helped me realize that my eyes and the beauty within other eyes are an incredible way to understand the deeper parts of an individual’s soul; What kind of person they are, how much internal beauty they have, and how that energy can be passed through me. This was a superb shift for me.
After my reflective meditation, I walked into the house and my husband woke up. I love the physical, yet innocent gestures he gives me. When he holds me and kisses me gently on the head I melt in happiness. I begin to cook breakfast for him and get food going for the animals. I would say my greatest love language is taking care of the ones I love. We sit and enjoy our breakfast to the soothing guitar strums of John Denver.
In the movie “Played by the Heart,” Joan says, “Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.” I think this is so true. It is hard for me to put into words my love for my husband or our animals because talking about love is kind of a pointless exercise as it is something so deep that it’s incredibly difficult to articulate into words.
Nevertheless, my husband is the one who makes me feel most loved and my sexiest. I feel sexy when my husband wants to grab my butt or rip whatever I am wearing off me. But, even with his love and the way he makes me feel, it has been tough to feel sexy recently, truly since September.
My last miscarriage was in September, and I have been struggling with my feeling of “sexy” since. Actually, since 2018 I have been faced with numerous fertility challenges that have been tough for my body image and have presented all of their trials physically as well as emotionally. Since 2018 I have endured three miscarriages and three chemical pregnancies. All miscarriages were at six weeks and my hormones have been completely off. Due to my hormones fluctuating, my weight has too.
Although my husband kept assuring me of my beauty and sexiness throughout, I was still struggling to be in pictures or to love myself. This has been a challenging road. Also, during my grief, I struggled in my job because, you know what, I just felt exhausted. I was suffering from Compassion Fatigue, which affects caregivers and empaths. In my job, I worked in an animal shelter as a Trap Neuter Return Coordinator for feral cats and a Euthanasia Technician. Although, I knew I was helping people and doing good for the cats I was not focusing on myself and my healing. So, I quit my job and decided to focus on myself and getting back to my state of happiness.
One of my favorite quotes was in Monty Python and it said, “Look on the bright side of life.” I am trying to do that as I heal through my grief, find my happiness again, take time to self-care, and find my sexiness and beauty externally again.
One thing I thought might kick start my journey of healing, finding self-love, beauty, and sexiness again was to schedule a boudoir session. I thought that sometimes, we women, don’t do enough for ourselves. Most of us get caught up in doing so much for others, that we forget to do things for ourselves, that make us feel fulfilled. So, I scheduled the session and went into it with the feeling like I am doing something wonderful for myself.
The boudoir session was something I needed. I ended up loving the entire experience! It did make me feel like I was doing something wonderful for myself. I came out to play and I was speechless by the photos. It was extremely hard to choose which photos I liked best. What an amazing experience. It was another process of my healing that I needed for my external, self-love journey. By the way, I absolutely loved my nude photos too!
I am still on a path to getting through these life challenges, but the advice that I continue to go by is to treat yourself like you would treat someone you love. By doing so, you will see yourself and truly find a new appreciation for yourself.
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